No One Is Alone

Hello fans! 🙋🏽‍♂️

I hope y’all are all blessed and off of work!

These past couple of months have been insaaaaaane! I don’t know what was in the air this Summer, but we were tested every way possible. Guys, I went as far as having José cleanse me with an egg (it’s a Mexican ting) to get rid of any and all bad vibes! I think it worked a little!

Trying times can really take a toll on you mentally. As many of you know, I developed anxiety in the last two years and that stuff isn’t fun. Anxiety can mess with you in many ways. I recently discovered that even though I don’t feel that crippling anxiety feeling sometimes (which is the worst) it effects me in different ways. For instance, if you’ve been around me you know that sometimes I get like these sweat attacks! I know, it sounds so gross, but I like randomly start sweating profusely. It’s a form of anxiety! Any time I’m uncomfortable or stressed I start sweating. It’s so obnoxious, but since I’ve become aware of it I do certain things to help it pass and it works! I’ll get into that a little later. I’ve also recently noticed that I have OCD tendencies when I’m under stress. I have to fight the urge to like color code my clothes, mess with my nails until they’re perfectly even, or mess with my hair non-stop. Also, I get sleep paralysis which is the most terrifying thing in the world and it started happening to me on a daily basis because of stress. A bitch was going through it! Sometimes it really does feel like I’m going crazy! Add all the things that are happening around me and that’s the perfect recipe for a good meltdown!

This past Summer, I decided to start therapy.

Fans, I literally started getting that anxiety tingle in my hands as I typed that! It’s kind of a really super personal thing for me to put out there, but in honor of World Mental Health Day I thought this was important to share.

All of the things that have happened in my life this year kind of started breaking me a bit. I honestly felt like my life was unraveling and I didn’t really know how to put it back together. You guys know I have the most amazing people in my life. My friends are the greatest people I know and my family is the best. So, I didn’t understand how with all of these great people around me I still managed to feel like the loneliest crazy person on Earth.

The idea of therapy was always in the back of my head, but it almost felt selfish considering it because I’ve been blessed with being surrounded with love all of my life and that has always been enough. I love my friends and family, but if I heard them tell me, “You’re such a good guy! You deserve more!” or “It’ll get better” one more time I was going to lose it.

It was tough (and expensive), but I finally gave it a chance! It’s been 5 months since I started therapy and I can honestly say it has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. Next to selling my soul to Beyoncé, of course 🐝

I’m not trying to push therapy on y’all! I’m sure it’s not for everyone, but I’ve found it very helpful. From anxiety coping skills to confronting that pesky little demon in my sleep paralysis to learning about self acceptance, it’s been quite a journey!

It’s not all smooth sailing though! It takes work outside of the sessions. Some days it takes A LOT of work, but tell me why I’ve learned to get this anxiety under control and I’ve only had two episodes of sleep paralysis since I started!

I’m still a work in progress, but the road ahead is a little less fuzzy.

I don’t want to keep y’all reading so I’ll end with this. Mental health is so important, fans. There are many FREE resources out there to help with mental illness and I strongly encourage y’all to explore them. If you need help looking anything up, I’m your guy! I know it can be hard to reach out for help, but that’s what we’re here for. In the words of Stephen Sondheim and The Rembrandts, no one is alone. I’ll be there for you 💜

CURRENT OBSESSION

A STAR IS BORN!

This Oscar worthy film is everything you need and more! The soundtrack is fire too. Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper did that!

Until next time!

XO,

-Carlos

Shake It Out! Shake It Out!

Hello Beautiful Ones! 🙋🏽‍♂️

Yes, that’s Raja and I serving good vibes!

Up until just a couple of months ago, I thought “anxiety” was just something people would say to describe stress or a nervous feeling they were experiencing. I kind of always dismissed it as someone just being a baby or being extra. I never really took it seriously! I would be sympathetic of course, but I honestly could not relate. But Lord, I sure did learn.

I was late to work one day, which isn’t out of the norm, but this particular day was a little different. I had been experiencing like a weird pressure in my chest leading up to this day and I kind of just dismissed it as a cold or something. I just remember sitting in the break room trying to eat a tuna sandwich I bought from Bibi and I started thinking about all of the shit that was going wrong with my life in that moment. My car wasn’t working, I hated my job, the Orlando shooting had just happened, the guy I liked didn’t like me back, going back to school wasn’t happening, and so on. I started to cry and started feeling like it was hard to catch my breath. It was weird! I’m sure my freak out was a culmination of all those things, but I remember trying to tell myself, “I’ve been through worse. I’ve been through worse. I’ve been through worse.” But nothing I did or said would shake out the tingly feeling in my hands and face. 

I finally felt a tiny bit better after I cried it out several times throughout the work day, but later that night I had a full on panic attack after watching the episode of OITNB where Poussey dies. I started crying because it was sad, but then the tingly feeling in my face and hands that I hadn’t been able to shake out started traveling all over my body. Like…an ambulance was called because my whole body froze, my hands got all twisty, and I couldn’t breathe. It was one of the scarier moments of my life. I thought I was having a stroke or a heart attack! The doctor confirmed it was a panic attack and said I needed to chill. 

Easier said than done though.

I’m better now and it hasn’t happened again since. The tingly feeling in my hands and face creeps back in sometimes and I’ll have cry sessions (which if you know me anything makes me cry), but I’ve definitely become less ignorant about anxiety. I’m still learning, but I’m aware that this is a REAL thing. 

I’ve always considered myself a very strong person. With all the things I’ve been through I’ve had to be! I refuse to let shit kill my good vibes; No matter what the situation is. I’m not sure what happened this year, but I’ve truly been tested vibe-wise. I’ve learned that sometimes trying to be that strong can also break you a bit. Not everything has to always be on your shoulders and it’s okay to feel vulnerable sometimes. It doesn’t make you a weak bitch. It just means that a strong bitch needs a break every now and then.

Take a moment, breathe, and shake out anything that is hurting you. It can be difficult, but it gets better. Eventually 🙃

If you have any tips or recommendations for dealing with anxiety feel free to share! 

CURRENT OBSESSION 

Omg have you guys tried the “Send with effect” option in iMessage?! I can’t stop using it ever since my friend Dennis taught me how to use it! Android users, sorry. Sucks to suck! 

SONG OF THE WEEK

24K Magic by Bruno Mars! I’m so glad he’s back with new stuff! Treat yoself and listen! 

Until next time! 🙋🏽‍♂️

XO,

Carlos