No One Is Alone

Hello fans! 🙋🏽‍♂️

I hope y’all are all blessed and off of work!

These past couple of months have been insaaaaaane! I don’t know what was in the air this Summer, but we were tested every way possible. Guys, I went as far as having José cleanse me with an egg (it’s a Mexican ting) to get rid of any and all bad vibes! I think it worked a little!

Trying times can really take a toll on you mentally. As many of you know, I developed anxiety in the last two years and that stuff isn’t fun. Anxiety can mess with you in many ways. I recently discovered that even though I don’t feel that crippling anxiety feeling sometimes (which is the worst) it effects me in different ways. For instance, if you’ve been around me you know that sometimes I get like these sweat attacks! I know, it sounds so gross, but I like randomly start sweating profusely. It’s a form of anxiety! Any time I’m uncomfortable or stressed I start sweating. It’s so obnoxious, but since I’ve become aware of it I do certain things to help it pass and it works! I’ll get into that a little later. I’ve also recently noticed that I have OCD tendencies when I’m under stress. I have to fight the urge to like color code my clothes, mess with my nails until they’re perfectly even, or mess with my hair non-stop. Also, I get sleep paralysis which is the most terrifying thing in the world and it started happening to me on a daily basis because of stress. A bitch was going through it! Sometimes it really does feel like I’m going crazy! Add all the things that are happening around me and that’s the perfect recipe for a good meltdown!

This past Summer, I decided to start therapy.

Fans, I literally started getting that anxiety tingle in my hands as I typed that! It’s kind of a really super personal thing for me to put out there, but in honor of World Mental Health Day I thought this was important to share.

All of the things that have happened in my life this year kind of started breaking me a bit. I honestly felt like my life was unraveling and I didn’t really know how to put it back together. You guys know I have the most amazing people in my life. My friends are the greatest people I know and my family is the best. So, I didn’t understand how with all of these great people around me I still managed to feel like the loneliest crazy person on Earth.

The idea of therapy was always in the back of my head, but it almost felt selfish considering it because I’ve been blessed with being surrounded with love all of my life and that has always been enough. I love my friends and family, but if I heard them tell me, “You’re such a good guy! You deserve more!” or “It’ll get better” one more time I was going to lose it.

It was tough (and expensive), but I finally gave it a chance! It’s been 5 months since I started therapy and I can honestly say it has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. Next to selling my soul to Beyoncé, of course 🐝

I’m not trying to push therapy on y’all! I’m sure it’s not for everyone, but I’ve found it very helpful. From anxiety coping skills to confronting that pesky little demon in my sleep paralysis to learning about self acceptance, it’s been quite a journey!

It’s not all smooth sailing though! It takes work outside of the sessions. Some days it takes A LOT of work, but tell me why I’ve learned to get this anxiety under control and I’ve only had two episodes of sleep paralysis since I started!

I’m still a work in progress, but the road ahead is a little less fuzzy.

I don’t want to keep y’all reading so I’ll end with this. Mental health is so important, fans. There are many FREE resources out there to help with mental illness and I strongly encourage y’all to explore them. If you need help looking anything up, I’m your guy! I know it can be hard to reach out for help, but that’s what we’re here for. In the words of Stephen Sondheim and The Rembrandts, no one is alone. I’ll be there for you 💜

CURRENT OBSESSION

A STAR IS BORN!

This Oscar worthy film is everything you need and more! The soundtrack is fire too. Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper did that!

Until next time!

XO,

-Carlos

Where Does The Good Go?

First and foremost, HAPPY 7/11 👌🏽

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch! Remember me?! I’m not even going to bother with providing y’all with an excuse. She’s back and thanks for being here! 🌸

It takes me a second to get over stuff. I’m definitely that “I’ll get over it, but let me be dramatic about it for a second” type of girl. Charlotte York once said that it should take you half the duration that anything took to get over it if it goes bad. For instance, if you took a month to do something and it doesn’t work out or it goes awry, you should take no more than 2 weeks to dwell on it and get over it. I’ve come to realize that that’s kind of bullshit. I know! I never thought I’d come to a point in life where I’d disagree with any knowledge imparted by the SATC ladies, but everyone should be on their own timeline. I’ve also come to realize that the idea of “closure” is such a TV made up word. That’s not a thing. You learn to let go of whatever idea you had in your head and move past it. You can fight me on this 👐🏽

I’m fine, guys! I’m sorry about the brief hiatus. I was just In My Feelings about this bird. Y’all know my bounce back is like no other. Your texts and messages meant a lot to me 🌸

I don’t believe in throwing people away, at least not anymore. I’ve come to a place where I’ve learned to appreciate the role anyone has ever played in my story. My struggle is dealing with the loss, if you will. The loss of having someone in your life that likes you in THAT way, no matter the length of time. It was nice. It inevitably invites that crippling feeling of loneliness and it’s not a good time. You know, it’s easy to get clouded with thoughts of not being good enough or feeling like a fool. It’s tough shit, but you do come around and realize that although he might’ve been very dreamy, he wasn’t the sun.

I’m the sun ☀️

I’m on that Grey’s Anatomy shit, y’all 😂

I learned a couple of lessons, had so many good laughs, and most importantly gained a really good friend. It was definitely a summer to remember. So, I guess you can say that’s where the good goes.

I do know this for sure…no matter who messed with your heart or how long it takes to recover, you’ll never get through it without your friends (assistants)❤

CURRENT OBSESSION

Everything Is Love ❤ THIS JOINT ALBUM, Y’ALL!! Can you believe?! It’s everything. You hoes can now stream it everywhere!

SONG OF THE MONTH

Summer by Beyoncé and Jay Z! This song is such a summer vibe, guys. It’s literally my favorite song on the album! Treat yaself and take a listen! 👂🏽

I missed y’all! I missed sharing and getting stuff out through this medium. I promise I’ll be back soon! Look at these messages I got after the hiatus. Y’all are a big ass mess 😂

I’m gonna go drink some water now and see where that takes me.

XO,

Carlos 🌸

When The Sun Comes Out

This was a really tough day. Hell, a tough year. 

This election has brought out the worst in so many people and it has been the most exhausting and frightening thing to witness. 

I know a lot of us are upset and feeling very discouraged. I’ve been crying and fighting anxiety all day. Our feelings are completely valid. 

However, we must not give into fear.   We. Will. Get. Through. This.

WE HAVE TO. 
I make it a point in my life to surround myself with the best people. We truly are STRONGER TOGETHER. With love we can overcome anything. So, please don’t be scared. Be angry, be sad, be shook, but do not ever be scared. Especially of some dumbass piece of shit misogynistic skank bitch named Donald Trump. Sorry, I had to get that out.

What I’m most grateful for after this election is the strength and encouragement our women and little girls gained from watching the first woman running for President.

I can only handle Jacqueline in doses, but I can’t explain the feeling in my heart when she told me she participated in a mock election at her school and that she voted for Hillary Clinton. She said, “I voted for her because she’s a girl like me.” 

We lost this election, but we gained so much at the same time.

Everything will be okay, you guys! Maybe not right now, but eventually.

I love you all and I’m here for you always ❤️

Until next time!

XO,

-Carlos

Shake It Out! Shake It Out!

Hello Beautiful Ones! 🙋🏽‍♂️

Yes, that’s Raja and I serving good vibes!

Up until just a couple of months ago, I thought “anxiety” was just something people would say to describe stress or a nervous feeling they were experiencing. I kind of always dismissed it as someone just being a baby or being extra. I never really took it seriously! I would be sympathetic of course, but I honestly could not relate. But Lord, I sure did learn.

I was late to work one day, which isn’t out of the norm, but this particular day was a little different. I had been experiencing like a weird pressure in my chest leading up to this day and I kind of just dismissed it as a cold or something. I just remember sitting in the break room trying to eat a tuna sandwich I bought from Bibi and I started thinking about all of the shit that was going wrong with my life in that moment. My car wasn’t working, I hated my job, the Orlando shooting had just happened, the guy I liked didn’t like me back, going back to school wasn’t happening, and so on. I started to cry and started feeling like it was hard to catch my breath. It was weird! I’m sure my freak out was a culmination of all those things, but I remember trying to tell myself, “I’ve been through worse. I’ve been through worse. I’ve been through worse.” But nothing I did or said would shake out the tingly feeling in my hands and face. 

I finally felt a tiny bit better after I cried it out several times throughout the work day, but later that night I had a full on panic attack after watching the episode of OITNB where Poussey dies. I started crying because it was sad, but then the tingly feeling in my face and hands that I hadn’t been able to shake out started traveling all over my body. Like…an ambulance was called because my whole body froze, my hands got all twisty, and I couldn’t breathe. It was one of the scarier moments of my life. I thought I was having a stroke or a heart attack! The doctor confirmed it was a panic attack and said I needed to chill. 

Easier said than done though.

I’m better now and it hasn’t happened again since. The tingly feeling in my hands and face creeps back in sometimes and I’ll have cry sessions (which if you know me anything makes me cry), but I’ve definitely become less ignorant about anxiety. I’m still learning, but I’m aware that this is a REAL thing. 

I’ve always considered myself a very strong person. With all the things I’ve been through I’ve had to be! I refuse to let shit kill my good vibes; No matter what the situation is. I’m not sure what happened this year, but I’ve truly been tested vibe-wise. I’ve learned that sometimes trying to be that strong can also break you a bit. Not everything has to always be on your shoulders and it’s okay to feel vulnerable sometimes. It doesn’t make you a weak bitch. It just means that a strong bitch needs a break every now and then.

Take a moment, breathe, and shake out anything that is hurting you. It can be difficult, but it gets better. Eventually 🙃

If you have any tips or recommendations for dealing with anxiety feel free to share! 

CURRENT OBSESSION 

Omg have you guys tried the “Send with effect” option in iMessage?! I can’t stop using it ever since my friend Dennis taught me how to use it! Android users, sorry. Sucks to suck! 

SONG OF THE WEEK

24K Magic by Bruno Mars! I’m so glad he’s back with new stuff! Treat yoself and listen! 

Until next time! 🙋🏽‍♂️

XO,

Carlos

The Edge of Glory

  
Hello birds! 🐥🐥🐥

I like to play with fire. Not literally, of course, but figuratively speaking. I like to use my phone while I pour gas, run stop lights if no one is around, get wastey pants when I know I have work early the next day, or sleep with people I shouldn’t sleep with. To name a few. Some of you might just think that doing things like that is flat out stupid, and I would have to agree. I’m still learning how to reel in that side of me, for the sake of…I don’t know…my life I guess! As I’m progressing further into this insane life, I’m realizing the importance of a boundary. The importance of being mindful of not crossing or staying a safe distance from that pesky little “line.”At the same time, I feel like my life wouldn’t be as exciting if I didn’t graze that line from time to time. 

I believe that there are two kinds of people in this world. There’s the person who would never go near the line and the person who teeters (twerks)/crosses the line. The distance we choose to keep from the line ultimately says a lot about us, but in a world where people have become so desensitized; how does one take risks without seeming like the idiot that looks for trouble?

I think that in order to keep some of the purity within ourselves, we draw these lines. It’s safe, it keeps things in order, and it reduces the risk of getting hurt or hurting others. But I can’t help but to feel stifled by the boundary sometimes. I will always respect it, but I can’t promise that I will reject that free shot that I know I shouldn’t take. That shot might make me muster up the courage to talk to the cute guy that could possibly be the love of my life! As logical as we all might like to be, sometimes what seems like a bad thing could lead to a great thing. I know that isn’t always the case, but if anything, it’ll make for a great story! 

My current obsession, Meredith Grey, once said, “At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your life drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.” Just a little something to put in your back pocket! 😘

“Put on your shades cause I’ll be dancing in the flames tonight yeah, baby! Tonight yeah, baby!”

SONG OF THE WEEK

Party by Beyoncé featuring Andre 3000. For obvious reasons 🤗

CURRENT OBSESSION

Grey’s. Fucking. Anatomy.

Those of you close to me know how important this show has become to me. Not only has it made me feel like I can go into an OR and perform an appy, but it has also emotionally scarred me for life. 

WATCH THIS SHOW!

Until next time!

XO,

Carlos 

Funny Boy

Hi! 🙋

If you read my blog, I’m sure you’ve gathered that I’m a hopeless romantic and a mess. I LOVE love and I think it’s the foundation to anything I do in life. I don’t ever use the word unless I mean it and I don’t take it for granted. Like Carrie says, “It’s the only label that never goes out of style.”

We go through life seeking and sometimes living a great love story. If you’re like me, you get your life from love stories like Carrie and Big’s, Anastasia and Christian’s, Vivian and Edward’s, or Ross and Rachel’s. Yes, I know they’re not real, but we grow up hoping that we get a chance to live that fairytale and find our prince or princess. I’ve been lucky enough to have witnessed such love stories in real life. My BFF, Ang, just married her prince and it was so beautiful. Just like in the movies. Witnessing love stories like this gives you hope and proves that it really can happen!

I know you guys probably read my blog and think, “Damn, another boyfriend?” or “Damn, this bitch can’t keep a man to save her life!” Haha I promise I’m not some thot that jumps from guy to guy! Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Shout out to all my thots! ❤

I always go into a relationship with the wholehearted intention of making it work and making the other person happy. I know that it hasn’t worked out, but it doesn’t make the love stories any less great. Kind of like Katie and Hubbell or Fanny and Nicky Arnstein. They didn’t end up together, but their love stories are just some of the greatest on film.

I know people think I’m silly for always referencing movies for everything that happens in real life, but it’s what keeps my faith alive. Guys probably think I’m just a funny creep that has lost touch with reality, but I don’t see anything wrong with using these stories as aspirations in life. It’s probably what has kept me from becoming a cynical douchebag.

Being a hopeless romantic in a hook up culture is definitely tough, but I don’t think I could ever stop believing in love. I know I haven’t been “the one” for anybody, but I still have faith. Faith in myself, that I’ll one day come across someone who is sure that I’m the one. Until then, bring on the chick flix and alcohol! 😉

I hope that this helped anyone out there feeling some typa way during the holidays 💜

CURRENT OBSESSION

Adele.

This queen has given me my life on a platter with her new album, 25. It is absolutely stunning. Please treat yourself and get it!

SONG OF THE WEEK

Water Under The Bridge by Adele

This song is from her new album and it is literally what my life is about right now. Take a listen!

http://youtu.be/MIgKHiFfB0k

Until next time! ❤

XO,

-Carlos

Thank You For The Music

HELLO…IT’S ME…(In my best Adele)

I’ve always found it so insane how fast things can change in such a short period of time. It’s almost kind of ridiculous how we’re expected to adapt to change so quickly when it happens so suddenly sometimes, but that’s the way it goes when you’re living in such a fast paced life. People get older, people get together, people break-up, people start registering for Christmas;  and its all happening so fast that you kind of forget to take a moment to process just what the hell happened. Like, how am I 26 now and single again? It feels like just yesterday I was 25 with a Facebook relationship status that “broke the Internet.” I blinked and here I am, laying in bed waiting for Scandal to come on while listening to Phil Collins’ Against All Odds and feeling a little more cynical than “yesterday.”

Don’t worry, guys! I’m not depressed or anything! I’m just still trying to catch up. Well, I feel like my head is finally up to speed, but my heart still has a bit of catching up to do 😉 Being in a relationship, at least for me, is a lot of fun and I find it so exciting, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out and I’ve come to learn that you just have to be thankful it happened. In that time, I was the happiest bee and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. So I’m very thankful and I wish that lil bird nothing but the absolute best 🐣

In a world that moves so quickly, you have to remember to take a second or two and get yourself together. It’s so easy to just say “get over it” or “keep it moving.” It’s important to take a moment and process. You always want to arrive to the next part of life looking stunning and impossibly fresh looking 💁

World stop………….Carry on 💅

CURRENT OBSESSION

PENTATONIX!!!

I’ve been obsessed with them for awhile, but this new self-titled album they just put out is giving me my whole life!  Go get it!

SONG OF THE WEEK

Misbehavin’ by Pentatonix! It’s off of their new album. This song is so beautiful! It’s about the feelings and things you go through while being away from that special someone. So good!

Until next time! ❤

XO,

-Carlos

Summer Lovin’

Hello! 🙋

The other day, my gurl John Anthony was like, “Hey didn’t you have a blog?” I was like, “Oh muh gawd! Who am I?” I get a man and forget how to act! 😂

So much has happened since May. Although it feels like just yesterday I was crying (happy tears) like a biotch in the middle of Times Square! 😅

This summer has been good to me! I’ve had a lot of memorable summers in my life, but this one is definitely up there. I went to NYC, I was in the hospital for the very first since I was born, I had surgery, my bff asked me to be her Maid of Honor, I made some amazing new friends, and I came across a very special person on a Wednesday night at Crocker 🙂

He’s…in a word, perfect. He hates when I say that, but it’s true! He’s probably the most interesting person I’ve ever met and that’s my favorite thing about him. I look like I slept with a hanger in my mouth when I’m around him or talk about him because he constantly keeps me smiling. I’m going to stop now because he’s going to make fun of me for all of the above 😅😒 Today is our two month anniversary and I just feel really thankful that he had bigger balls than I did and asked my assistant for my number! I never thought that cuddling and listening to records would be my favorite thing to do with anyone. I’m blessed that it’s with you, lil bird 🐣😍

And that’s the end of The Corn ball Fest! 😅 The summer is coming to an end, “but…oh, those suuuhuummeeeer….NIIIIIII-HIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS!!!” *In my best Danny Zuko

WEEKLY OBSESSION!

American Vogue’s September Issue!

Not only because Beyoncé was the cover girl, but because FALL/WINTER FASHION! It looks like some of the big trends for this fall are prints that reference furniture fabrics, a touch of fur, Eighties Redux, and shiny fabrics! Here are some looks:

(This is a SS16 look, but acceptable for Fall ;))

SONG OF THE WEEK!

https://youtu.be/eJSik6ejkr0

Runnin’ (Lose It All) by Naughty Boy feat. Beyoncé and Arrow Benjamin

This song and video are absolutely beautiful! Beyoncé obvs slays.

Until next time! 💜

XO,

Carlos

New York State Of Mind

Hello, hello, hello! 🙋 🙋 🙋

I’m waaay up, I feel blessed!

As some of you may know, because of the obnoxious blow by blow of my trip via social media, I went to New York! 🍎 It was the most thrilling experience of my life!

I have always thought of New York as the center of everything. When I was a little boy, I remember watching Ghostbusters, Home Alone 2, Coming to America, Friends; just to name a few, and thinking, ” I can’t wait until I grow up and go there. ” This past weekend, it finally happened! The going to New York part, the growing up part not so much 😉

It was so funny and maybe a little weird, but it was like I had been there before. I watch so much TV and have watched so many movies that involve New York, that it was like I had prepared my whole life for this. I know I sound like such a corn ball, but I still can’t believe I was actually there!

I was very hesitant about going because it was very last minute, I would be going by myself, and it was like on the other side of the country! But it was probably the best last minute spontaneous decision I’ve ever made. I mean, who just wins free tickets to a Jay Z concert in New York?! I took it as a sign and booked a hotel and flight as soon as I could.

I got a little verklempt when I got to Times Square. It just kind of hit me that in that moment I might have been the luckiest person on the planet. I was living a dream and I never wanted to wake up!

So, if you ever get the chance to make it out there, or if your “New York ” is a different place, then go for it! Just don’t go to Newark, there isn’t much going on there ☺

Big or small, don’t ever let anything stop you from living your dream. Even if your dream is just to have breakfast at Tiffany’s 😉

WEEKLY OBSESSION!

The Feeling Myself video! If you haven’t seen it, then you should have gotten Tidal 😉

SONG OF THE WEEK!

It’s All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion. I know lol I’ve just had it stuck in my head for awhile now! Treat yoself and take a listen!

Until next time! 💜

XO,

Carlos

Lesson Learned

Hello! 🙋

I read somewhere recently that everything happens for a reason, and that sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions. If it takes a bad experience for you to learn a lesson, then so be it. What matters is what you do going forward.

My bad experience is finally over, and it has truly changed my life forever. I feel that I’m a different person now and I’m heading in the direction that I need to be going. It definitely isn’t what I envisioned for myself, but I’ve learned to embrace the change. I also learned that everyone has their own path they need to follow. Everyone is always going to have an opinion or something to say, but you’re in charge of your life. No one else. Do you, baby. Get to where you need to be your way 😉

DWI’s don’t get dismissed everyday, so I’m fully aware of how lucky I am. I also know that it wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for all of your good thoughts and prayers. For whatever reason, God decided to give a bitch a second chance and I do not intend on fucking it up!

I want to take a moment and thank my little cousin Gabbie. I honestly don’t know if I would have been able to make it through this without you. You have been my rock throughout this whole mess and I just want to let you know how much of a blessing you’ve been to me. You always kept telling me it was going to be okay and look! You were so right! I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything, but I’ll teach you how to do a keg stand tomorrow 🙌

I know that I’ve learned a lot from this experience, but I also hope that you guys have too. Drinking and driving is the dumbest, most irresponsible thing you could do. Don’t ruin your life. Take an Uber or call someone. I’m not joking when I tell you a DWI is the worst hangover you’ll ever have. Mine just went away yesterday 😉

WEEKLY OBSESSION!

BEYONCÉ.

SONG OF THE WEEK!

Throw Sum Mo by Rae Sremmurd  featuring Nicki Minaj. This song is on point and I cannot get it out of my head! Go listen!

Until next time, for some of y’all that will be at my Freedom Kiki tomorrow where we will be turning up! Responsibly of course 😉

XO,

Carlos